HOT OR NOT: ANIMORPHS ALIENS SEXINESS RATINGS
when i was a junior in high school, i read all 54 mainline animorphs books and they changed me fundamentally as a person. i channeled the burning heart of my emotions into a very important fanproject. i made a google document rating all of the animorphs aliens i could remember being described by how hot i thought they were.
this document lived in obscurity in my google drive for YEARS, but now i'm finally breaking my silence. i'm sharing it with the world permenantly. please enjoy.
ANDALITES
what's more attractive than eye stalks? with their delicate deer forms and strong scorpion-like tail, they've got great bodies. the only thing preventing a full 10 is militaristic society they've got going on. and you HATE to see the misogyny.
RATING: 9/10
THE CHEE
not only are they robots, but they're sentient and autonomous robots created by the best alien species in the universe (the pemalites) that were developed specifically to be Friends. and who doesn't love dogs?
RATING: 10/10
THE ELLIMIST
there's only one ellimist, and he is often depicted as a weird little gremlin. this alone would make him a hot ticket alien, but you have to take into account how much he loves to fuck with the fabric of the universe in order to spite his cosmically-powerful ex (crayak), including destroying very specific parts of the lives of the animorphs that we know and love. this loses him quite a few points in my book, but maybe you're into that.
RATING: 6/10
HELMACRONS
i suppose this one really depends on what you're into, considering they are incredibly tiny compared to humans and have four arms and are bright blue. points for fulfilling specific kinks, less points because they're kind of annoying.
RATING: 4/10
HOWLERS
Do Not Fuck Ever.
RATING: 0/10
HORK-BAJIR
there's a gentleness to the hork-bajir that i think would make them beautiful and patient lovers. i feel like you could really have a chat with a hork-bajir about the things that matter to you. and those blade arms are pretty hot, right?
RATING: 8/10
PEMALITES
my absolute favorite aliens from the animorphs books, they're a species that advanced beyond war, violence, pain and became so in-love with life that they gave their robots sentience just so they could make them last. i love these guys :')
RATING: 10/10
TAXXONS
they are disgusting little creatures with gross mouths and an insatiable hunger that means they'll kill and eat you the minute they get close. i hate their weird legs and their awful tongues and the disregard they have for the sanctity of life.
RATING: 3/10
YEERKS
i'm not gonna sit here and say yeerks CAN'T be hot, but it would take some serious adjustments to the way i perceive hottness to consider them. the space-imperialism doesn't help.