THE BEST OF DANNWIN

an iconic retrospective by danny

my partner, darwin, and i think we're funny. i like to post the funny things that we say on the internet. here is a collection of some of the funniest. this page will occasionally be updated.

darwin, horrified: how long do you wear socks for before washing them?

danny: as long as it takes

darwin: if te'ijalahad were healthy, it would be the perfect relationship

danny: oh, if it was completely different it would be good? that's true of a lot of things

darwin: well, when you say it like that...

danny: you mean when you say it exactly how it is?

danny, enthusiastically watching eraserhead: man, that's grody!

darwin, horrified: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT

darwin: haha, what a jovial bit that was

darwin, as the opening credits of s02ep01 of twin peaks plays: man, they didn’t change openings between seasons like most animes

darwin: who suffered more, you or jesus christ?

danny: well i’ll tell you one thing. jesus only had to worry about one set of pronouns

danny: when you think about it, all skeletons are transgender

darwin: yeah because they went from the human gender to the skeleton gender

darwin: leon theremin died on november 3rd. really makes you think

danny: REALLY ! MAKES ! YA ! THINK !

darwin: i appreciate that ducktales isn’t afraid to have children kill people on screen

darwin: let us hope and pray

darwin: no, sorry. let us hope and science

danny, reading the rating for paddington out loud: PG for mild action and rude humor

darwin: those are the content warnings you come with

dariwn, apropos of literally nothing. we were sitting in silence: did i say ‘divorce makes the world go round’ out loud or did i just think that?

danny: well a sturgeon is a bird—

darwin: no?

danny: what is it?

darwin: it's a fish

danny: well...

darwin: i swear to god if you say something like—

danny and darwin at literally the exact same time: birds are the fish of the sky

danny: so it takes place in a town called fargo in the midwest

darwin: so the guy isn’t named fargo?

danny:

danny: what guy?

darwin: the detective, mr. fargo?

danny: THE DETECTIVE IN FARGO IS FAMOUSLY A WOMAN

darwin: MY APOLOGIES TO MISS FARGO

danny: i don't think galahad should be allowed to vote

danny: he would make the wrong choice, so we shouldn't let him

darwin: so the thing about that is

darwin: i don't think galahad would vote

darwin, one hour into watching the batman (2022): i think they should’ve cast mitchell musso as the batman

danny, playing the kingdom hearts rhythm game: oh man, i recognize all these musics

[ten seconds of absolute silence]

danny:……typically called “songs” by the layperson

darwin: i love how layperson implies “musics” is the technical term

darwin: this hibiscus tea is over-steeped

danny: it’s lowbiscus now

darwin: actually it’s highestbiscus

danny: stop armchair dx'ing people with pds and instead armchair dx people with playing the theremin

darwin: mental illness does NOT make you evil, playing the theremin makes you evil

darwin: cup from [local coffee shop] spotted

danny: like a bloodhound, you are

danny: the method of my madness was madness itself